Welcome to the World Milo!

Well its been a bit longer than I had hoped, you are now 3 months old and I haven't yet put down a tiny thing about you... I feel a little guilty, but forgive me, for with a Newborn and a strong minded toddler...there hasn't been much time!

I used to write things about your big brother Theo when I was feeding, or in the middle of the night...but these days I am just so tired I drop to sleep too quickly to write. If I'm not sleeping, or feeding, I am gazing at you, analysing your little face whilst you sleep, those little smiles, revelling in how wonderful you are.

As I said I have very little time between the two of you, we are breastfeeding, you and I, and I tell you what, you are a natural! From birth you latched on great, glugging away for 40 mins at a time...we had a few difficult days (where you fed for 5 hours at a time) and I was so terribly sore and thought we wouldn't succeed. I was bleeding and you were starving (not surprised..you were 10lb 3 born!) After some antibiotics for mastitis later and bath feeds..we were back on track and we haven't looked back!

The Dr's at the hospital said you were "absolutely perfect" (not that I needed reassuring) and you have been gaining on average 1lb a week!! You are a really big boy...but still my tiny baby. You have dark hair just like your brother did and your eyes are the brightest blue. I have a sneaky feeling they might stay that way...and then you might look a bit more like me...as currently you are both Daddy's mini me's!!!

You are starting to look like YOU now, at first you were so like your brother at birth you could have been the same baby! Twins almost 2 years apart... but you have now developed you own little expressions and you can see the little differences in looks and personality.

I tell you what, I am so, so lucky in how wonderful your little temprement is. You truly are the most content baby I have met..you are so happy, at first you were a little serious and hard to get a smile out of...
But now your little face falls into smiles all the time. You are just so beautiful and so happy, truly contented (I think it's the full tum!) I adore to just watch you. As well as bigger, you are much stronger than an average 3 month old baby and you have been throughout.

The Dr had to ask If I was sure you were only 6weeks at your check as you were as strong and as big as a 3month old then! I think I'm going to have my hands full with you! You can already roll a bit and almost pull yourself to sitting!

You are going through clothes at an insane rate and I am just so lucky Gran D is shop happy! You will never be short of anything while she enjoys shopping!

You love your dummy...I wasn't going to give you one (but after those 5 hr feeds) found that you needed it to help get you to sleep. You are great with it, and it really helps to get you to sleep, especially whilst you are teething...little dribble monster! I don't give you it unless you are due to sleep as I like to see you smile during the day!

You are quite a good sleeper...I am sure you would be even better if Theo didn't wake you every 5 minutes with his clodhopper feet jumping around, but he doesn't understand. He loves you very much and has been calling you "Baby" for 3 months, however we have now had one "Milo" and a few "Miley"s. He always checks you are coming with us, and isn't too keen on people he doesn't know holding you. You are his "Miley" of which he lets people know, "No my baby!"
He kisses you on the head (with sound effects.."MwAh" and shakes your arm (quite hard) shouting "Hewow" ....we are working on gentle...but you don't seem to mind, you just smile away in your happy little way, loving everything in little Milo land.

In honesty I was worried about what it was going to be like with 2 babies, and I couldn't comprehend how I could possibly have enough love for a 2nd baby...but My oh my...I was so wrong.
You truly are the most special little being, and I love you more than I can possibly express. You are edible! I am desperate to keep you little (although you are huge already!) Yet cannot wait to watch you grow and develop! I do love you so much at this little stage. You are perfect.

Already I am mourning the loss of each little stage that passes, I remember doing that with Theo...yet it seems more poignant this time. The little newborn milky stretch was a big one ...with your little bum and back arched like a snail...just so perfect. I am just trying to soak in as much as I can, try to absorb as much of this baby stage as possible, It is definitely harder this time around to just 'be' with you as there are a million other things happening all the time, but I try, everyday to take time out for just us.

My favourite things are sharing a bath with you, swimming (which you love) and playing 'mummy wobble head' where i shake my bun around on my head and it really makes you cackle laughing! I think there are probably some drivers laughing too, as it is definitely a favourite of yours on a pram walk...

Well now I am feeling exhausted, again...after a busy day, and having just finshed putting the 3rd size of too small clothes away into bags, so I am going to catch some sleep while you do!

You are lying in the co-sleeper sleeping soundly...so beautiful.

I am truly overjoyed and the happiest I have ever been. So many wonderful things to come...Welcome to the World Baby Milo, we're going to have an amazing adventure! Xxxx

My Breastfeeding experience weeks 1-4 - #1 Feeding, bleeding and one handed reading - The introduction

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Grab your water and snacks and sit comfortably... you never know how long it will take!

There I was heavily pregnant, envisaging my soon to be future, and no doubt about it, I was going to exclusively breastfeed. The midwife would plonk a lovely pink screaming baby onto my chest, and he would snuggle close into me, and latch onto my breast, skin to skin, in a perfect and harmonious moment, completely as nature intended.

Unfortunately, my birthing experience was much more traumatic, and breastfeeding well that came free with it's own selection of traumas too...

I'll give you a bit of background...
In brief my planned water birth did not go to plan, I was going to have music (every track pre arranged) candles flickering and aromatherapy oils massaged lovingly into my back. It would be uncomfortable, and dare I say painful, but with a clear yet focused mind I would breathe calmly and with a strong enough push the baby would pop out.
How wrong I was.

10 days past my due date, measuring large with back to back positioning, I went into labour enduring contractions 2 minutes apart, from the start. I was suffering from an infection the hospital diagnosed quickly and was informed my waters had likely broken days before. Long story short and some gas and air later, I was speedily induced. There was plenty of pushing, forceps, an episiotomy, emergency buzzers, a trip to theatre, bags of blood and a stay in high dependency; but we got there in the end.

Rousing to some kind of drugged normality, I had not yet held my beautiful 10lb 5 baby to my chest, and for a few days was too poorly to feed him. So this feeding business hadn't really started on the right foot.



A few days in to my hospital stay, I managed to feed him (of a fashion) yet he was very unsettled. Every time he was attached, he would fall asleep within minutes. Whether that was the antibiotics he was on, or just the comfort and tiredness after such a stressful entry into the big wide world. He struggled to latch from the very start. I had put it down to him being 'confused' as he was used to being fed donor milk from a cup; yet he also had a Tongue Tie.

I left the hospital engorged and throbbing, so on my first night home, I sat with warm flannels on my breasts, just letting the milk run out. This definitely helped, and I continued to feed him; acquiring more nipple trauma by the day.

On my first home appointment with the midwife, she weighed him and he had lost 9% percent of his body weight. I was assured this was normal, especially with such a big baby, and to keep feeding him on demand. For the first 4 weeks he was feeding almost constantly, with only an hour at times between a 2 hour feed and I had been in agony.

I've been very lucky to have such support from my family; cooking me nutritious meals, and cutting them up for me; so I could manage to eat one handed. This is one of the reasons I have been compelled to persevere, I have a great support network, I am not working, I don't have other children, and have nowhere more important to be; I feel I have no excuse to give up, as Breastfeeding is something that is really important to me. However what  I can say, is that I now understand why people give up 3 days in, 3 weeks in, and more..

Apart from support, It takes a certain level of what only can be described as damn right stubbornness. sheer determination and tenacity, plus the ability to shut your eyes, curl your toes and rock forward and backwards through the pain...


Breastfeeding is what is best, no question, and it is meant to be second nature, a pain free experience, completely natural and I know some people are experts; fine artists, skilled traders; making enough milk to provide for their baby, your baby and the neighbour's baby; but unfortunately that's not me...yet any